Movie Madness: Pompeii

Sunday - it's Oscar night and we celebrate the best of 2013.

 

Here in contrast is a movie I saw last Sunday with a friend. This one deserves a Razzie in 2014.

 

Pompeii should have been a majestic film with Mount Vesuvius spurting lava and wiping out a tremendous city. Instead, this is a cheesy gladiator movie with Mt. Vesuvius rumbling its warnings and people saying, “Oh the Gods must be angry.”  This film critic is seriously considering a foray into screenwriting. Surely, I could have written better dialogue.  

It’s AD 79 and we meet our slave fighter (a very ab-o-licious Kit Harrington). He is splendid, but you can only appreciate his beauty for so long. Then we need some plot. Well, of course the young heiress has eyes for him and he saves her when her horse breaks away. He’s the Celtic slave horse whisperer. But the evil Roman Senator played by a very mismatched Kieffer Sutherland has plans to marry her and is blackmailing her weenie parents for her hand. Meanwhile, it’s a grand festival for gladiator fighting. Somehow Kit and Atticus, a huge black man, can kill every fighter possible.  

The walls start tumbling down as Mt. Vesuvius blows. It’s far too late to run to the harbor. It’s far too late to even think about fleeing by horse. It’s pretty much too late to redeem this movie. But….. huge plot giveaway, our fearless lovers give it a decent try. It’s laughable and rather sadly futile.  

I was obviously not the target audience. Not sure who this film was aimed toward. The special effects are decent. I will throw out that crumb. Otherwise – DO NOT BLOW your money on this bomb. Not now, not on Netflix. Truly the Gods must be angry to allow this flimsy material into our lives.