Monday, January 5, 2009

humorous memoir

As an animal fearing woman, I write about my acclimation to an animal loving world and manage to stare down swans in Sweden and a guinea pig in my washroom. I do avert my eyes for the wombat in Australia.

“If All Dogs Go to Heaven, Then I’m in Trouble” is a humorous memoir of animal encounters with a twist. Among published animal tales, very few are skewed with a touch of fear and laughter on every page. Unlike books written by pet-loving authors, my twenty eight chapters introduce the reader to a variety of animals: a snapping Shetland pony, a bowling ball playing pit bull, and a terrified turtle that tolerates my distress.

Here's a chapter list:
If All Dogs Go to Heaven, Then I’m in Trouble

Mere Kibble Prologue
Goats, and Llamas, and Puppies, Oh My!
Mercy, Mercy Me
Farm Fresh Follies
Squawk Box
Pixie and Poodles
Pixie Weighs In
Stuffed in a Closet
Old Buttercup
Thunder Daze or I Miss Old Buttercup
Future Guard Dog for Hell: Roseanne
San Saba Snakes or Far From a Mall
Who Was That Masked Turtle?
Is That Chirping I Hear?
The Guinea Pig Surrenders
There’s a Pit Bull in My House
The Swedish Swan Incident
Don’t Stare Down the Wombat
The Workplace is Going to the Dogs
A Bunny Explosion
Animal Shenanigans Entertainment
Benji Loves Aunt Joanne
Dogged Pursuit
Hey Stupid, the Baby’s Crying
Animal Humanitarian Efforts (You Never Have to Clean Up Poop)
I Can’t Count Sheep, They Could Attack
My Torturous Final Days on Earth

Do you want to read this book? I'm throwing it out to the publishing world. Surely, the world at large needs a laugh or two.


  1. Joanne, the title says it all. I'm proud of you for sitting all the way through Marley and Me with all the dog slobber and mayhem.

  2. I've read it (albeit bit by bit in various stages of completeness) and would read it again and again if for no other reason than that last hilarious chapter -- the funniest thing I read in 2008!