Movie Review Madness: What I Don't Plan to See

Movies I Won’t Be Seeing in the Theater 

Here are blurbs for current movies in the theater that this critic does not plan to see. These are totally biased, non-substantiated comments. Use a coin toss to decide if you shall wait for DVD or Netflix streaming 

 

I still need to review the new X-Men - big thumbs up. And I want to see Maleficent, Million Ways to Die in the West, Chef, and Railway Man.

The Amazing Spider Man – a co-worker, Jeremy, who is the target audience said, “Wait for DVD. It’s rather slow and boring.” Okay. Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone are likeable, but I feel as if they keep rehashing the same story over and over. Jeremy agreed. I’m sure if you are a Spidey fan, you could find some amusement. 

Brick Mansions – Poor Paul Walker. He died and now this is his last movie without the Fast and Furious gang. Apparently it’s a cop thriller in future Detroit. Guess the plot was lame according to most critics.  

Draft Day – this looks amusing and I could still see it. Kevin Costner is an NFL general manager going through a crazy draft. It actually has gotten B+ reviews.  

Heaven is for Real – based on a true story about a kid who died and basically came back to life. In doing so, he is able to report on people he saw in heaven. He was touched and now is a bit of an angel that brings comfort to folks.  I’ve heard this is good. Just not my cup of tea.  

Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return – apparently this animated movie is horrible. Do not take your kids. It’s a shame to ruin Oz.  

Mom’s Night Out – supposed to be hilarious. Not.  

Neighbors  - Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne are the “old” married couple with a baby. They are not happy when a frat house moves next door. Highlights include a lot of shirtless Zac Ephron. But that can only go so far. If you want classic frat – watch Animal House for real laughs.  

Noah – Russell Crowe is supposed to do a credible job of gathering creatures two by two and saving humanity. Of course there are complaints about the storytelling, but I heard the effects are great.  

The Other Woman – Cameron Diaz can be so funny. She needs better scripts. I guess she and Lesley Mann do a great job and are amusing until the young beauty shows up. Kate Upton – shut your mouth. You can’t act. Just be lovely.